Thursday, February 05, 2009

Cardiac Arrest

First off, for the family, here is Kyla and Violet dancing tonight. Kyla is Violet's second cousin twice removed from her Grandfather's family. They tell me they are related, but I don't believe it.

Lisa, Cindy's cousin, has been helping us watch the girls on Thursday since the Marshes are out of state playing retired people. I still don't know where the Marshes are, or when they are coming back, if ever.

Since Jan. 1 I have been trying to cut out the junk out of my diet. Yes, I still eat out on days I work, but I am cutting everything I eat in half. So if before I got the large extra-super-duper-awesome-really huge-excellent value meal, now I just get the small one. Also I haven't had a real Coke, or caffeine. I also have cut out the sweets. I had some pudding the other day when I made it for Lilly, but otherwise I have been pretty good. Oh, and 1 slice of cheesecake last week when CINDY brought it home.

I haven't been punched in the face yet -- see last month's video.

Today I had a coupon for Quiznos. So my boss and I went over there and got a couple of sandwiches. I saw this cookie, and I had to have it. I bought it. We get back to the office and BOOM, plane crash.

We narf our sandwiches and my boss and I head out to find the downed plane. My job was to shoot it, and she was going to write the article. After wandering the hills around Stafford and North Wilsonville, we find the plane in a field, with no one around it.

Channel 8 was still there, but the pilot walked away from the landing in a gully, the plane was in good condition. The engine blew and he glided it into a field that was a harvested Christmas Tree farm. I walk down to the plane, it was a pretty steep grade. I take my pictures and turn to walk back up to the road, and notice that it's steep.

My job lately has entailed me working the phones and sitting in public meetings on my butt. I have been doing nothing on my elliptical since I quit Coke, mostly due to headaches in the evening.

I get about 25 percent up the hill, and have to stop. My boss is still climbing. I can't be shown up by her! So I push and get another 20 or so feet, and have to stop. Pretend to take more pictures, that's it! I walk some more, snap away while trying to get the spots I am seeing to subside.

I get to the road and I am convinced I am in stage 4 cardiac arrest.

"Hey, they are interviewing those two guys up there," my boss said, pointing at the TV pukes interviewing two older gentlemen on their porch.

At this point, I wanted to set up a base camp, because the house she was pointing at was at the summit of Mount Everest. There I am, I have altitude sickness and need some serious oxygen.

"Have fun," I said.
"I want pictures of the witnesses," she said.

We starting our assent, I was fighting the urge to tie off a safety rope into the cracks of the driveway, and once again, I get about 25 feet and have to stop.

Now the TV guys are looking at me. I have to keep going. I get to the top of the driveway and I was dizzy. I couldn't breath, thank god for the rock wall I could grab and lean against.

"At least going down is going to be easier," my boss commented.
"Especially for me, since I am going to be in that gurney," I replied between my huge sucks of air.

We wait for the TV guys to get done asking the witnesses questions, and climb some stairs (we weren't done gaining altitude yet). The spots are back, and I am trying to take pictures and not look like I am a loser who can't even climb a steep hill.

The 84-year-old guy who lives there, has a golf cart he uses to go down and get the paper, I was considering jumping him and stealing it to get down to the van -- which was parked down the street at the mid-point of the North Face of K2.

We get done and start walking down the hill.

"If I fell down I would endup at the bottom of the gully, like a big bowling ball," I said.
"Nah, that concrete curb would stop you," my boss said.
"No way, I would bust through that, roll all the way down, go up the other side of the canyon a little and then roll to a stop at the bottom," I said.

We get to the van, and I am still out of breath. I put the camera gear away and realize that I could have left the 30 pounds of camera gear at our "base camp."

As we are driving back, I mention that if I get a bloody nose, I may be having an aneurism. I also mentioned that I am allergic to contrast dye for cat scanners -- in case I have a stroke.

I also found out on WebMD that if you have shooting pain in your left arm, you are having a heart attack.

Needless to say, Violet and Kyla got the cookie when I came home, and I need to start getting on the elliptical -- either that, or covering more plane crashes.

Sorry for the length.


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