What I see, how I understand it

From the desk of a rural county Sheriff in Oregon:


Citizens of COVID County,

Over the last few weeks I have been asked repeatedly what my stance is on the new mandates coming down from Governor Brown. As you are all aware, we have seen a recent severe increase in COVID-19 cases and hospitalizations locally and across the state. Just like the beginning of this pandemic, Governor Brown continues to implement mandates in an effort to "slow the curve."

I know that you are all dying... to know what my stance is on COVID-19 mandates and restrictions. Let me be clear, I could say nothing, and let maskless people walking around our local cities be nervous when they see a deputy. Much like when we are doing paperwork in our cars along the highway and not doing traffic unless someone is doing 110 mph. Yes, that approach could help the situation, and maybe people -- not knowing what the fine or punishment is -- would wear masks to not find out.

So instead, I am going to state that we will NOT be helping the governor or public health officials with mandates about face coverings. It’s like when there is a fight and people are injured and we keep the firemen away for their own safety. It’s like that but the opposite.

We really don't like firefighters. So we have decided that this is really their problem. I mean, they always clean up our messes anyway, so this is a little bigger of a mess.

I can’t seem to go golfing with my Republican friends anymore without them bugging me about my stance on mask restrictions. So to get them off my back, I figured I would write this letter. And most of the voters in my county are Republican, so this really helps me politically.

Over the last several years we have seen a continual erosion of citizens' rights through various forms of legislation that have been promoted as "best for the common good." I am not going to give you any examples of this legislation, because frankly this is what my Republican friends told me to say. They saw it on Fox News.

These are trying times and my heart goes out to everyone who has been impacted by COVID 19. But just like those sad dog commercials on TV with the music, I'm not going to do anything about it.

Oh, that’s right, I need a paragraph about how my heart goes out to all the families who have been impacted by COVID-19.  Maybe I should throw “thoughts and prayers” in there too.

I almost forgot, the next time there are wildfires and we have to assist in enforcing burn bans, we aren’t going to do that either. Also, if there is an earthquake, you are on your own too -- especially if the Governor announces curfews or other actions that would help the situation.

Good luck out there -- enjoy the purge!